A recent discussion/debate with my dad about the most common and endorsed factor in the 'BIG FAT Indian Weddings' made me write my thoughts, doubts, questions in this note. The factor being Dowry or to put it in a more beautiful and less hateful term "Streedhan". Its a very common norm for the Indian parents of the bride to express their love and give their blessings to their princesses. Its justified for them to give that and its equally justified for the parents of the groom to demand that. Though a lot is spoken and read against this social stigma yet it is a nuisance that cannot be easily done away with. 

In the course of the discussion my parents tried to explain to me that its not wrong to give the Streedhan to their daughter because it is every parents dream and their duty. But then the question I ask myself is what is the need for that. In most of the modern/liberal Indian families (or in families where the biasedness for a male child doesnot exist), when a girl child is born the proud parents would weave the nest of their dreams, hopes and aspirations for their daughters just like any parent would do for a son. They leave no stone unturned to make sure they provide the best eduaction, care, support and love in the upbringing of their daughters. The daughters would be raised up with good values (sometimes making them learn how to be good future bahus) and they grow up making their parents proud at each growing stage. Yet when it comes to their marriage why do the proud parents need to lose their pride and give in for all the menial demands of the groom's side. Is it fault of being the parents of a Girlchild such a grave crime that they are required to stoop and let the groom's family break their neck. 

Well how can we blame them, when there is so much pressure to follow the norms of the society and hand over their priced possesion to safer hands. I never really understand what are the divine rights the groom's family are blessed with to shamelessly demand money. Are they trying to sell their son??? And was this son born with a price tag that makes them quote a price???? What is the need? Is their son and their family not self sufficient to feed one more member? (if not, why are the parents of the bride giving her away to such beggars)...Should n't it be the other way round that the groom must pay the girls side..He gets a good looking, educated girl who is ready to leave her family, friends, change as per him and his family, give birth to his offsprings, take care of him, his family, his children..Well all i see here is that its only the groom's side getting benefitted anyways..they are only gaining in this deal..and poor parents of the bride who are not only loosing their dutiful daughter to some unknown family , they need to pay a price for that.. 

The circle is vicious yet it goes on and on...I am sure it would go on with all the pressures....parents of the groom would demand shamelessly and poor parents of the bride would pay the price for the "happiness" of their princesses...God save India....

Proud to b a woman

I am the one 

Petite yet strong

An ocean of courage

I face turmoils with a smile.

I am the one

Honest and selfless

Evergiving and everloving

Steadfast on my vows.

I am the one 

Holding you from your inception

Till iI meet my end

Offering my life and my self.

I suffer yet I endure

All mine I offer

Yet proud of who I am

I am the one

I am a woman

sMiLe

Smile when the nights are long

Smile when you are all alone.

Smile when you felt lost

Smile when things go wrong.

 

Smile cause things will change

Smile, a better day is to come.

Smile cause you are not lone

Smile cause it will cost you none.

Smile, the night will end

Smile, you will find your way

Smile, cause you are not alone

Smile, cause the world will smile

When it sees you Smile all this while.

The test of patience :)

The most dreading moment in an Aam aadmi’s life would probably be when he has some work to be done through a government office. The work would actually be very insignificant but the apprehensions of going through the grueling procedures in a government office would leave the person perplexed. Something similar happened in my not so much an adventurous life. I had recently had some problems with my ATM card and had to get it blocked. Things went fine till then, but today I had to go to the bank to get another card. I had to bunk from my work for sometime to make it to the bank. Luckily the work load was less and I got permission quite easily. Then when I reach the bank, I start facing all the ‘Aam aadmi’ woes.

I first reached the counter that was directly opposite to the main entrance, feigned a bright smile to the lady at the counter and gave her the details of why I was there. She, with an assumed attitude and with a very proud look (without raising her head or looking at me) said to go to the next counter. Keeping my just smile on I went to this counter where a very fat guy with a big tummy was sitting dragging with some work. He gave me a look as if coming to his counter was my biggest fault. Anyways I narrated my story to him and he immediately gave me some form to be filled. I was quite quick in filling it and returning to him. He took the form and kept it on his table to start with some other work. He and the peon started taking and arranging some old tattered files in the cabinet, and I kept waiting (still a faint smile on my face). Another guy came in to talk to this fat guy and he felt some pity on me and asked me to get a seat. In the meantime the fat guy goes to sip a tea, does some other paper work, talks to the other guys in the bank (and I still restraintJ). Finally after a long wait (which seemed like ages to me), he finally took mercy on me and was kind enough to give me my card.

I with all my elation for receiving the card reached home and put all these stuffs there to start back for my office. Then as soon as I rush reached my workplace, I received a call from some unknown number. The guy on the other end asked if it was me and told his name. I was lost for some seconds till he told me that he was the fat guy from the bank and that I was required to get back to the bank as some formality was not done. In a very low voice I told him that I had already reached my workplace and it would be tough for me to come back. At this point he very unapologetically told me that its on me cause till this formality was done I could not use my card.

Hearing this I rushed back to the bank (though now the expression on my face had completely changed to straight poker face). I went straight to his counter, with all the documents I had received, thinking that some very important formality was to be fulfilled. The fat guy passed on a register to me saying that he forgot to get my signature that ensures that I had received the card (so all this was for my sign, which could have waited and which obviously was missed cause of his forgetfulness GRRRRRR). And in the end the fat guy apologized with a sorry for making me come back from my work. I sometimes really hate this word sorry; it reminds me of a cousin who used to say “A sorry can’t make a dead man alive”. Finally I thought of checking if the card was working just to know that the card cannot be used till 48 hours. So all this rush to know that the card stands invalid for another 2 days. ARGGGGHHHH

If one really wants to know the extent of endurance, tolerance and patience he is blessed with he must for once go to some government office for some official work. I realized I am blessed with a lot of patience (when it comes to get my work done). What a day!!!!! 

Relationships----as easy it is to start one, equally difficult is to let go. We meet so many people on the go, some become friends and acquaintances, with not much of our emotions being tampered, while some become more than that, they touch our lives. I used to believe that only people who are same in every respect, their thinking, ideologies, can become close.

I was never a believer of the quaint thought that ‘opposites attract’. How can two people, two different individuals, who would have been brought up in different environments, owing to which they would have ingrained different set of values, different personalities and outlooks towards life, attract? Is it remotely possible that so many differences be just ignored?

 But then there are examples that challenge my thinking. There are instances when a very much reserved, mature individual would meet a very vivacious personality who in the general term would be called an extrovert. The inception of such relationships is actually beautiful. It goes well till the devil called ‘expectations’ creep in. Each one of us has his/her dreams, demands and somewhere deep inside us we all want these expectations to be met. The individuality of the person we would have liked in the beginning steadily fades away in the oblivion paving a new way for differences to reign over our intricate yet so fragile relationship. The differences that would have attracted us in the beginning would become the enemy. We would like to see the other person in just the light we want, completely ignore the fact that the person is another individual and not our own clone.

Then unfortunately in many cases these minute issues outweigh all the love one would have for the other person and break those intricately woven threads of relationship. Relationships are easy to call off, but then what about all the emotions and attachments, the dreams that would have built with it. Is it so easy to just ‘let go’ the other person who would have meant ‘life’ to you? Is it normal to break the so called ‘unusual relationship’ and just get accustomed to the changes of life? Won’t we end up searching all this in the other person we would meet eventually in the journey of life?  

Love ka side effects--- D Big B (break up) and the blah blah blah

Caution: This write up is not for the guys because this is strictly a girl’s perspective. All the stuffs written underneath are the author’s view-point (yeah, yeah mostly based on her experiences—so that probably answers the most obvious question for all the gossip-mongers) and any resemblance to any person/ghosts, living or dead is purely co-incidental.

Deny it or not most of us would have gone through the worst thing and one of the most common things that occurs in a love story---The break-up. And as much the inception of the fairy tale love story would have been beautiful, the end would be equally nightmarish. And in between a conversation with a good friend I got the idea to pen down what I feel are some remedies to the ultimate culmination (if not getting together) – the break up.

Sleep over it----One of the most common mistakes that most of us do after a heated discussion with our boyfriend is recapitulation of the fight. Dah--- now that is one hell of mistake gals. Never-ever think back. Switch off all the main signals of your brain and do what will help you forget the fight-Sleep over it. Take a long relaxing nap, get freshened and grab a tea/coffee/or anything that helps but doesn’t pile up the calories.

Effect- Not that it will solve your issue but in the end you would have had a deep relaxing nap and save yourselves those dirty crow webs under the eyes and dark-circles.

Laugh it loud--- Call your best galfriend with whom you would have shared this ‘fairy tale’ story right from its inception till the end. Cry to her if that helps (but that is only for the first fifteen minutes), vent it out, and cry it loud. Following this should be a good laughter session. Your friend should be capable enough to find as many faults about your boyfriend and even her boyfriend, much better all the men folk on the face of the earth and laugh over those shortcomings. Laugh it loud, roll over. Talk anything but that break-up. Bitch about anything and everything. Find something utterly humorous about your ex’s current GF/fiancé (even if it’s her name) and joke about it.

Effect- You would be laughing and laughter is actually one good exercise for the facial muscles. You would be amazed at your own and your friend’s creative side of laughing on the most non-humorous jokes in the history of the world.  

Go shopping--- This one is not my personal favourite but this is an input from my friend. Go shop gals. Pick up at least one thing- anything-shoe, make-up, clothes.

Effect- Though a costly indulgence, you won’t really regret getting the trendy stuff in your wardrobe. 

Pampering----One of the aftermath one has to suffer after a break up is loneliness- a horribly wretched time when you would be actually missing the pampering, care and affection of your ex.  So what is the solution- simple- going to a parlour or a spa, get that long awaited massage, facial, pedicure, manicure and the likes. Get dressed up, look good. There is no solution coming up from that lonely introspection of what went wrong or who was right and crying over it. Look good, feel good. Get noticed- come on we know we need attention.

Effect- End of the day you will be proud of the beautiful gal facing you in the mirror. There is nothing better than feeling good about you and falling in love with yourself.

Rediscover your 3 A.M. friend--- As it happens in most cases, with your love story getting into your head you would have ignored your best boy-friend (as in friend)/admirer/well-wisher. Accept it or not this world is actually divided into two divisions- Gals and boys. So you actually need that friend from the opposite sex to fill the temporary void left over by your ex (temporary because that phase won’t really last that long lady). No harm in talking, laughing and a little bit flirtations. But please you don’t really need to rush into things and add on to your already existing confusions. Concern shown towards you during a rebound can actually be highly dangerous to you health and prove fatal.

Effect- You would have actually reconnected with your temporarily lost buddy.

These are the few remedies I can gather. Follow it if you like, forget it if you want. Suggestions and additional points are welcome. Displeasures can be kept to yourselves- cause me seriously aint in any mood to take it. 

another year with its changes

Its been a long hiatus that I wrote anything..so thought of making a fresh start in this new year. And when I start writing, its weird that I don't really know what to write. So why not share what I felt or experienced over the interim period of the changing years. The year gone by was a mixed bag, with some memorable events and some not worth remembering. Some events make me laugh my guts out while some well up my eyes. Yet it was 365 days filled with moments, good or bad but moments.

The last day of 2011, 31 December was not any different from the rest of the days. I came to work, the world was still rushing, people moving towards their destinations. So nothing was different about this day except that for me personally it was a day of introspection. A day when i recapitulated my past errs, felt like undoing them, vowing not to repeat them, making new promises to myself.  The world around seemed very excited about the year ending. Everyone seemed to make plans for the evening party. Yet I was in no mood to party this time. The strange question that was bothering me the whole day that why does the world party when there are so many unresolved issues in everyone's lives.

Since I could start up late for work, I found some time to just sit back and have a cup of tea sitting in the gallery of my apartment. Its then when I saw two children playing. The father of these two kids works as a watchman and mother does the household chores in the neighborhood. Most of the money they earn is spent for their alcohol consumption or for the other kind of intoxicants they are dependent on. Its then when I thought was this last day of the year or the coming new year of any meaning to this family. Not even the bar of candy I gave to those kids would bring any perpetual change in their lives.

At night, when the whole world was busy partying, I saw this pizza delivery boy driving just before midnight to deliver the pizza so that someone's party might go on well. The early morning of the new year showed me another petite old man cleaning the streets. These were just a few I might have seen. And there would be so many other lives untouched, unchanged with the changing dates on the calender. Yet finding solace in their everyday non changing lives. And I was still crying over the spilled milk, over the innumerable, insurmountable issues of my regularly changing life.